Love, what is it.

what is love, I have no idea. I know the love I have for my children and they have for me but it is not the same as being in love and being loved. It has been such a long time, at leat 8 years so I truly have forgotten what it feels like. Will i ever feel loved again, that I don't know. Will I ever allow myself to fall in love again, that I also don't know. yes i know a couple of months ago i though i had found my soul mate and felt a love towards then but I never actually got to meet them so maybe that wasnt love at all.

Yes I am an emotional person, yes I have feelings, feelings I know my best freind has no idea bout. She lives in her ideal world and I dont think she would have any idea of my deep down feelings she mostly sees the happy me, and if i am ever with her and not that happy she doesnt seem to notice.

well to coincide with my feeling down and unloved the weekend is wet and horrible, can't even get outdoors with my camera which always cheers me up. Can't even take my dog out as its to wet. Have also had to many bills this week so I can't even go and do some retail therapy.

Where is my online freind from Queensland who always could cheer me up. I havent not heard from him in about 5 months, maybe his work has got so busy he doesnt have time. it is 7.15 am on a saturday, maybe i will jsut go back to bed.